Shonisani's Seeds

Your soul seeps into mine, you are my evidence that God is divine . Your very presence causes mine to incline , only when you're not by my side, is when all my tears come together to cry. You're my beehive, home base to the deep honey cave that stores my love, home base to the intricate nerves you wake up, i just can't get enough. You my love,  you sit on your throne right above my love , you keep me tough , ready to fight any battle that comes my way, ready to " kill " anyone that tries to take you away , you're mine. I'll say it over and over again till i die , being loved by you gives me my ultimate high, even when you just say "Hi." , i remember why i'm alive, and every time you leave me, i recognize the pain of loss, normal people feel when a loved one dies. You're mine. I'll say it again and again and again, we were lovers , and then we became friends, ...

I want to learn how to be less impulsive, I don't know how many times I do or say something and then,  3 days later I'm laying in bed watching The Mindy Project and,  I think to myself : "Shoni WHY?!" How do things seem like such a mistake in hindsight but while it's happening nothing seems off? Being impulsive gets tricky, it really isn't as magical as the movies make it seem. Although, one time I bunked school impulsively to go to Cavendish (a mall in Cape Town) and I landed up seeing Keri Hilson. ( Of course this is before she dissed Beyoncé,  so I was really excited.) Impulsive people like to live by non ruley type rules like, "no regrets" ,  as to not regret anything done during an impulsive streak! So now when you, as an impulsive person, are regretting an impulsive act, the disappointment in yourself is monumental, because you really could've stayed at home. It's worse when you re...

My mind has been swarming with a lot of " what ifs " lately. " what if i was actually born with small eyes?" " what if i was raised in a village with no WiFi?" " what if i was taller?.. or just what if i was tall?" At first i was ignoring them, you know those " what if i don't hear my alarm tomorrow morning ?" thoughts you have, then you pass out, and you wake up one minute before your alarm is about to go off. Phew. Then it got way more serious, i'd be like " what if i bump into my crush on campus and i'm looking hella crusty ?" and then it happened... that day, while i was looking crusty. Not so much phew but, at that moment i was sure of two things : 1) i had superpowers and, 2) i just didn't know how to use them yet. Ha! No but seriously, at that moment i was sure of two things, 1) my thoughts are very powerful and, 2) woman's intuition is a real thing . I ...

Sometimes i find myself reading the news, i should know better because it really is all extremely depressing , but one day the curious cat in me had me reading this tragic article. It was about a man who killed his wife for insurance money to support his children. The news article painted this husband out to be abusive and irrational, the deceased woman was glorified as a loving wife and patient mother, and all i as the reader had to do was to simply just.... drink it all in, gobble gobble gobble. I mean,  what's the difference between fiction and fact if you can't even read a news article that doesn't  vilify  and sensationalize it's own subjects? Why can't i decide for myself who deserves my empathy? What if they had it all wrong? That's when my mind started to really wonder, if anyone really stands a chance these days regarding what they understand the truth to be. Has the truth become somewhat of a taboo? And how do you ex...

Don't you hate it when something is at the  tip of your tongue ? Your tongue has something to say but  your mouth can't support it. Your voice stands to reason but  your throat won't allow it, and all that power you once had, just a moment ago, the  power to be coherent, the  power to communicate, it's all gone. Don't you hate that?? There are so many thoughts i wish i would've written down, and so many anecdotes i cook up in my mind that don't have the opportunity to be heard. Sometimes i hear someone else say something that i have thought but never said, and i feel like that's the universe kicking me in the stomach.  In that moment, the universe is saying to me : "See what happens when you don't acknowledge your own brilliance Shoni?  IT BECOMES SOMEONE ELSE'S ". Come on, i can't be the only one! I'm not just limiting this to phrases, i mean it goes for everything. Somet...

Sitting on the highway, my way. Chilling for the thrill of it. Praying that i'll fly away. Knowing i'd make the most of it. I say you've gotta be afraid, cause you know i'm about to kill this shit. If pain really does mean pay, i can never go broke, not even a little bit. I'm outside, at 808, with no heart to break. Standing at the finish line, but it doesn't mean anything because we didn't start the same. Yet all of a sudden, we're supposed to squash the beef like a vegan pancake, and keep it moving for life's short sake. Our lives collide so often, so infrequent yet so calculated, every time i hear your name, i look up knowing that it was orchestrated. And i can't pinpoint the moment but deep down, i know i prayed it. So everyday i don't see you or hear from you all i have to do is replay it... .....word for word, refreshing my mind to keep my s...

Spread love everywhere you go.   Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier. Mother Teresa I want to love you until the moon is under water. Until i look in your eyes and i see the reflection of our daughter. You make me see things I've never thought of , feel things that are both equally as lovely as they are tough. I want to love you until my peace has no mind , Until i search the entire planet & realize that you're one of a kind. You make me search for things i know i'll never find, feel things that make it impossible for me to unwind. "Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies." Aristotle I want to love you until it's more than enough . Until the soft sweet sand grains of time become rough. You make me see things through love , feel things you only feel when you're the airborne white dove. I want to love you forever, or until i die. .atleast. Until i'm ...

Real a b s t r a c t   shit, I'm rolling in my whip with your abstract bitch. You'll never see me coming, because I'm abstract rich . Will smith saving black folk, I'm abstract Hitch . Never caught a body, call me abstract Mitch . Ctrl Alt Delete, I'm an abstract glitch. Having trouble finishing your words? It's an abstract sitch. On your left lower ankle, I'm that abstract itch. Big gold broom, Call me abstract witch, You can never turn me off, you can't get to my abstract switch . Fool me twice, you'll land up in an abstract ditch. Tryna catch up to me? you'll get an abstract stitch. You'll always hear me coming I got an abstract pitch . Ain't that funny, I need more books, call me abstract dummie . I'm naked in my tomb, i''m an abstract mummy. Got bears in all grey, I've got abstract gummies. Call me Kevin hart yeah I'm abstract funny, cause i'm ...

Forming a bond is a lot like..  ... super glue-ing the ends of your arm hairs to someone else's. It's fun to do at the time, intricate and exciting, it's different,  n othing like anything you've ever felt before. Goosebumps pop up all over your body,  and every time your skin touches theirs, your heart starts beating to a different rhythm, their rhythm . Oh! it's a beautiful thing, the process of connecting with another person, that effortless reciprocated need to be in contact with them, the moments where you sit together in silence , using only your breathing patterns to communicate, followed by the burst of magic you feel with every kiss. " The beautiful thing about love is that,  you don't need any qualification to express or experience it.  It's natural,  we're made from it and born with it. " I think this is where the phrase : "it's too good to be true" comes from, and subsequ...

I was finding myself, and you happened to be there, you had found yourself lost too, alone, probably scared. We played games to pass the time , you were still yours, and i was still mine , we hopped around on a balance beam of sorts, a very questionable,  very thin,  very fine , line, like the one that separates the two sides of coin, or a dime . We then had the audacity to be surprised ,  when someone fell , faster than expected,  deep into that well , while the other stood there getting ready to jump , just trying to gather enough saliva to swallow that lump . They'll never know our true story, it'll always be between you and me, they'll never know what it felt like, that moment you and me became we . You see i find myself thinking doggy paddling through my issues whilst i'm sinking, trying to stay objective, but it's tricky when the puzzle pieces are still prickly . trying to piece it all to...

“She taught me that life goes on,  and that I had a choice.  To lament what I no longer had or be grateful for what remained.”  I've noticed something, I've noticed that people are trying really hard, to show people who they are through what they have, instead of just being who they are. I've noticed it and i'm sure you've noticed it too, it's not a new thing, it's actually become quite normal, i mean we all do it, i'm just not sure why. Surely the easiest and most efficient way to show people who you are.. .. is to be who you are. We have got it all wrong,  because we hide our gems, and instead we project our fear . Great.  How pleasant. I hate how something that was once so good and so pure, can become so damaged and despicable, within the blink of an eye. Our minds are so powerful, we really have the power to decide,  what ever it is we need to decide,  to keep moving. To keep going. It's on you,...

“If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think, they'll hate you.”  ―  Harlan Ellison What i do not like, is how people can make you think that something you feel, isnt real. Isn't that crazier than telling people who "see things" that they're crazy??  (I mean like, why don't you see things. Like seriously. Think about it. Why?) Because now you're telling me, (and all those "crazy" people),  to go against our better judgment , something that has been built up,  and augmented to suit the very people that we have become. And yes i know,  we have to consider the "psychopaths",  (people who kill people for fun etc...) But because i do not believe in "othering" (or perpetuating such thinking),  i don't believe that "psychopaths etc...." are excluded from what i am about to say.  [if you (psychopath etc...),  are readin...

The other day my friend called me a "hopeless romantic"  and for the first time, i paused before i answered, to actually think about what i was going to say (shocking, i know!) and i said, " you know what, I'm the most hopeless romantic there ever was ". My idea of romance has nothing to do with the conventional ideal of a man wooing a woman, No, My idea of romance is more of a feeling , and not just any type of feeling, that feeling you get when you're dreaming that you're falling, and right before you hit the ground, you wake up  - that moment there, that feeling. When i love, my whole body reacts, My chest tightens up, My toes straighten out, The hair at the back of my neck stands And I start to feel the physical equivalent of  the word "happy". I get shivers down my spine. My mind literally expands, my thoughts overflow. My heart stops and I start to hear music, an untitled yet familiar melody ...