Stay Woke!

I want to learn how to be less impulsive,

I don't know how many times I do or say something and then,

 3 days later I'm laying in bed watching The Mindy Project and,

 I think to myself :

"Shoni WHY?!"

How do things seem like such a mistake in hindsight but while it's happening nothing seems off?

Being impulsive gets tricky, it really isn't as magical as the movies make it seem.

Although, one time I bunked school impulsively to go to Cavendish (a mall in Cape Town) and I landed up seeing Keri Hilson.

(Of course this is before she dissed Beyoncé, so I was really excited.)

Impulsive people like to live by non ruley type rules like,

"no regrets",

 as to not regret anything done during an impulsive streak!

So now when you, as an impulsive person, are regretting an impulsive act,
the disappointment in yourself is monumental,
because you really could've stayed at home.

It's worse when you realize that people are perfectly happy,

not being impulsively sponateous around you,

and maybe if you weren't so damn quirky and hot headed,

things wouldn't be going so incredibly left.

I'm gonna confide in you about one of the times my impulsive spontaneity landed me in big trouble. (Momma I hope you're not reading this.)

One time, I was casually dating this guy.

I was barely one month into my first year, he was in fourth year.

He was super cool, really nice and all the girls around me seemed to want him too,
which is of course always the sweetest seal to the romantic comedy style deal.

Things were good,

like really good, ever since that night I met him at Springboks during O-Week. 

My first alarm should've gone off there,

Why was a gorgeous, charming, smart fourth year scowling for first years at an O Week party.

But oh no, I was too wrapped up in my innocent adolescent lust.

He made me feel so special, he'd tell me stuff like all the other first years are so "crazy and wild",
but not me, apparently I was "more mature than the others" ... Apparently I was "different".

Dammit, he had me fooled, I see that now the more I write this,
I actually think I'm getting mad all over again.

Grrrrrrr

So Valentines day arrives,

 and because I was so excited that I was with someone,

someone so awesome,

(Guys I felt so lucky),

I thought to my naive-puppy-love-drugged self,

 that even though he specifically & repetitively told me that :

 "he had a huge test the following day",

 so he was gonna "spend all night in his room studying" and,

 he was "not to be disturbed",

 I was gonna surprise him with a visit he'd never forget.

Little young impulsive me,
gets to the door,
heart beating faster than a strobe light at an electronic music festival.

I checked myself about a hundred times in the mirror so I knew I looked good.

I even knocked in a cute quirky way, hoping he'd hear it, jump up and open the door to whisk me away into the sunset.

But oh no,

No no.

Firstly,

He said "who is it?"

I replied with "it's me babe."

He said : "who's me?"

I replied : "uh Shoni duh"

And then he went "oh."

I stood there,
on the other side of the door,
for the half an hour it felt like he left me standing there,
in silence.
(it was actually like 4 minutes but still, that's a long time to take to answer the door of a small room),
Regretting everything.

I was trying to figure out a way to unknock.

Maybe he didn't hear me same my name properly I thought to myself,

maybe I could run away quickly and he would think that his friend was playing a pra---

He opened the door.

And by that I'm surely exaggerating because he kept it maybe 5 centimeters wide,

Half of his face was peaking out the small opening.

At that moment, I began to start feeling less guilty and more suspicious.

He gave me a fake yawn and said "babe I must've passed out what are you doing her---"

An annoying high pitched, extremely entitled, female voice interrupts him.

"*insert name of guy*, who is it?".

I froze,
he turned around to answer her and his arm mistakenly swung the door wide open.

There she sat,
half naked on his rose petal filled bed,
surrounded by recently burned out candles,
and what could only be described as a 'sex playlist' playing melancholic-ally in the background as my poor little heart broke.

Mind you, in hindsight i am really grateful that my impulsive streak led me to catch that lying manipulative predator that sad, messy night.

But another thing i learned was that, 

being impulsively spontaneous is extremely dangerous,

if it must be done,

it must be done with absolute caution, 

and one must go in fully knowing that they could land up running through a building lost because one's eyes are blurry from the never ending tears of betrayal or, one could meet Keri Hilson at the mall...

You just never know.

I mean, don't get me wrong when getting this impulsive thing right it feels so good,

But when it goes bad, it's so so so so bad.

Stay Woke!

(you've officially been warned.)