Shonisani's Seeds

They tell me to speak my mind And I spit fire. It's all I know, it's all too natural. I forget to write, I should stop that, I really enjoy it. And like I said, if you're not enjoying what you're doing, why are you doing it? I feel like a lot of people are self sacrificial, always making unnecessary burdens on their lives in the form of anger, pettiness and bitterness, when really you should just move on with your life and strive  for happiness. Doesn't that make more sense? Than wallowing in your depressive filth?, I mean I know it's harder said than done, Believe me I know,   I've been there. I still think about him every second of everyday, I still walk passed someone who smells like him and my heart literally stops, I still get warm and fuzzy inside when I think of the prospects of our future together I still have hope. And I know better, I know better than to hope for the improbable, But that doesn't stop the yearning. I...

So much to say, I'm just not sure how to put it. It's funny these things that make up "presence". You know, like really being in the moment, really going day by day, hoping it'll get better or stay better, or just stop all together. It depends on the day, most mornings seem rough until I have my coffee, I realized I have a ritual now, 2 spoons of coffee, 2 and a half sugars, no milk, rigorously stirred and medium-hot to drink in about 10 minutes. After 10 minutes I find it lukewarm and absolutely repulsive, and before 5 minutes after the boiling hot water has infused the cup and it's ingredient, I find it too confrontational and tasteless, it's a delicate balance for me - the perfect cup of coffee.  Kind of like my life - a delicate balance of emotions driven by an over zealous extrovert (self diagnosed) - oh great, what's new?  Well I'm trying to figure out how a person like me thrives in the bigger picture, you know, of life :...